my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
