Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
