Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
