He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
