Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
