i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
