it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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