I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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