I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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