4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
