I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
