I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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