Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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