I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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