You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
