don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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