I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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