What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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