go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
