He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
