just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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