i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
they're like a gay fantastic four
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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