When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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