We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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