Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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