Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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