It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
