I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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