They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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