ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
