So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i think i just lost a toe
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
