if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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