You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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