if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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