i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
