wrigley field is MILF paradise
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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