So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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