She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
