Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
