Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
