id be glad to
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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