That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is wine microwaveable?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
