i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
