I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
