Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
