how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
