so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you never un-have a 4some
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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