I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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