i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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