the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
