In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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