The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
