Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
