No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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