So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
