whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
