I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
