im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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